Written by Nicole Lawler 03/20/2017
Since I was a little girl, I remember my life being about pain; witnessing the physical abuse of my mother from my alcoholic father and the mental abuse coming from my abused mother with her children. As a child it's just so hard to witness all of this and learn that it's not right, first and foremost. The hardest part may very well be the anger and feeling that the only two people in the world you feel you can trust, would seemingly put a child, THEIR child, through this kind of pain. This is gut wrenching emotional pain that stays with you until you can figure it out and learn how to let it go and forgive. So then eventually you learn how to forgive, and move on but the scars left behind within that child never disappear.
Something every day can bring that emotional baggage back to the surface and it haunts you like it was yesterday. Many years later, and having had enough love and good in my world to realize the other side, and what life should be, I am lead to constant healing in my world today. Every day of my life, with its ups and downs, has been one big process of healing the wounds of the child I once was. Having been that child, I struggle every day with the darkness I've lived and can touch the pain and sadness like it was yesterday.
The child I once was has since learned that I can love and be loved unconditionally in my now world. I no longer need the love and acceptance of the parents who didn't even love themselves enough to be able to show that to another. The periods of growth and healing in my life began when I was 17 with writing as my outlet and the pain as my muse. The outcome...healing! To this day I continue the healing process with my writing. My writing started out as poems to just release these raw emotions that I didn't know what to do with. The release of the emotions helps me in a way so that the sadness and pain is just not as open and raw as it was when I was a child. We all have a story in this world, and as I've said, writing is my healing process. Every now and again, I'll be posting my poems and some writings that have helped me. Maybe they can help you or someone you know. Or, please, if you have some things that help you in your life, please share it. Not only do I continuously help heal myself, but I love to be able to help others as well. If you are in need of some healing and haven't tried journaling, sit with a pad, pencil, an open mind, and see what you come up with. Sometimes, you’ll write things on a page that you weren't even aware of that needed healed. Some of my best healing moments as well as my most creative things has come out this way. If you find emotions that continue to be there and you’re having a hard time letting go of, reach out to me and I’m happy to help! Don't struggle alone; Reiki is a fantastic tool to assist in bringing up and also releasing these deep seated emotions that may be keeping you struggling!
And as always, live, love, and laugh often! ~Nicole