Since I was a little girl, I remember my life being about pain; witnessing the physical abuse of my mother from my alcoholic father and the mental abuse coming from my abused mother at her children. As a child it's just so hard to witness all of this and learn that it's not right, first and foremost. The hardest part may very well be the anger and feeling that the only two people in the world you feel you can trust, would seemingly put a child, THEIR child, through this kind of pain. This is gut wrenching emotional pain that stays with you until you can figure it out and learn how to let it go and forgive. So then eventually you learn how to forgive, and move on but the scars left behind within that child never disappear.
Something every day can bring that emotional baggage back to the surface and it haunts you like it was yesterday. Many years later, and having had enough love and good in my world to realize the other side, and what life should be, I am lead to constant healing in my world today. Every day of my life, with it's ups and downs, have been one big process of healing the wounds of the child I once was. Having been that child, I struggle every day with the darkness I've lived and can touch the pain and sadness like it was yesterday.
The child I once was has since learned that I can love and be loved unconditionally in my now world. I no longer need the love and acceptance of the parents who didn't even love themselves enough to be able to show that to another. The periods of growth and healing in my life began when I was 17 with writing as my outlet and the pain as my muse. The outcome... healing! To this day I continue the healing process with my writing. My writing started out as poems to just release these raw emotions that I didn't know what to do with. The release of the emotions help me in a way so that the sadness and pain is just not as open and raw as it was when I was a child.
We all have a story in this world, and as I've said, aside from Reiki healing, writing is my healing process. Every now and again, I'll be posting my poems and some writings that have helped me. Maybe they can help you or someone you know. Or, please, if you have somethings that helps you in your life, please share it. Not only do I continuously help heal myself, but I love to be able to help others as well.
If you are in need of some healing and haven't tried writing, sit with a pad, pencil, an open mind, and see what you come up with. Some of my best healing and most creative stuff has come out this way.
See below one of my first poems that started my writing and pain releasing process in 1990. Throughout the years, my writings have gotten me to a much healthier place...a place of healing and love.
And as always, live, love, and laugh often!
Open your Eyes
Keep your eyes open and never look away,
you never know what might try to hurt you some day.
Keep your eyes open without a second thought,
Never trust, is what I was always taught.
Keep your eyes open and look to your goals,
so you don't fall into any given holes.
Keep your eyes open no matter what tries to stop you,
and the goals you can't reach, will be very few.
Keep your eyes open and never bat an eye,
before someone tries to take what's yours without even a sigh.
Keep your eyes open and never look down,
always be ready to stand your ground.
Keep your eyes open and don't ever be naive,
or someday, a great loss you will grieve.
Keep your eyes open and always look ahead,
you'll never get anything accomplished by staying in bed.
Keep your eyes open no matter what has got you down,
don't give anything the satisfaction of an unpleasant frown.
Keep your eyes open but try not to be cold,
because bitterness is a very sad thing for someone to hold.
Nicole Lawler 5/1990
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