Somehow, I always knew while growing up, that I was different than other kids. I just didn't understand why I was different. I grew up in a total dysfunctional home with a lot of pain surrounding around me. We didn't have a lot of money growing up. My father was an alcoholic and was an abusive husband. My siblings and I watched my parents constantly fight, and my father was very physical. It's amazing how people learn different things from situations like this. Growing up I had many friends that grew up in a loving environment, so I was blessed enough to learn how family should treat each other. I also knew that this was not why I felt different. I learned that I could "feel" the emotions of others and sometimes I "knew" things that I had no business knowing as a small girl. I could feel people's pain like it was my own, whether it was mentally or physically. Or I sometimes would know the answer to a question with information that I know I never learned, or hear a warning from within me about something. I never understood why I would "feel" or "know" things for no apparent reason.
When you are a child and you "feel" like this, you never quite understand why. Knowing that my friends didn't feel the things I did, I was constantly wondering what was wrong with me. Then, after much counseling and depression in my life, and reading everything I could about what might possibly be wrong with me, I realized there's nothing wrong with me. I realized that I had a gift, or a curse depending upon how you looked at it. I felt that there had to be a reason for this, so for many years I read all I could in trying to find what my purpose in life was. I was always the person that people I didn't even know would open up to and share their problems with. I found myself sad when someone near me was sad, upset when someone near me was upset, and anxious when someone near me was anxious. Even though it's still sometimes hard to decipher what feelings were truly mine, being able to feel others pain like it was my own made me realized that my purpose in life was to help people. For many years I was drawn the spirit world, a higher power, angels, and most recently alternative healing and energy work. Now I understand that I'm drawn to these things because I'm an empath. Because of the things I've learned throughout my life, I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that anything you're drawn to in this world has a purpose for you; whether it is to learn a lesson or to help someone else learn a lesson they need in order to grow.
In college, I was drawn to psychology, and trying to figure out the human psyche. In my young adult years, I was drawn to helping the kids that may have grown up like me and have worries or problems. I quickly learned that working with emotionally pained children while feeling another's pain and not being able to always separate or distinguish it from my own might be catastrophic for my own personal health and well-being. I've since learned (on most days) how to separate the two. As an adult in life, I’m drawn to helping people overall. This is how I’ve come to doing Reiki in my life now. Helping people, whether it’s emotionally, or physically, seems to me why I am here on this earth. I’m here to help and it’s what seems to make me feel complete.